My Fat Pregnancy (so far)
As many of you now know, I’m pregnant! And if being fat on a normal day isn’t easy, being fat AND pregnant is a whole other ball game. I’m grateful for the fat pregnancy communities that exist, and I’ll link to those throughout this blog- they have been life savers!
I wanted to share my experiences and tips for other fat folks looking to conceive or navigate their own experiences of pregnancy. Also, thin allies- take note! Your fat friends are having very different experiences in their pregnancy than you are.
To start, I utilized reciprocal IVF (rIVF) to conceive (this means we used my partner’s eggs and my uterus), so I immediately had to deal with the BMI barriers at many IVF clinics. Most clinics in the US have BMI restrictions primarily due to anesthesia used for egg retrieval. Some clinics will not even move forward with BMIs over 34 or 35 in general, and may require weight loss. This was my experience at our first IVF clinic. They required me to get clearance by a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor, and also required me to go through procedures without anesthesia. So, we decided to search for an IVF clinic that was friendlier towards BMI. Luckily we found an out of state clinic that we could use that had no BMI restrictions at all.
My first OB appointment at 7 weeks was with a very fatphobic doctor. This was probably my worst experience with my weight so far in my pregnancy (I don’t need to share all of the smaller interactions but just trust there have been some). She tried to talk about my weight multiple times, tripping over her words and changing her answers. At first she told me to lose weight during my pregnancy. Then she back pedaled and said I should try not to gain any weight (so basically, lose weight). Then she seemed to correct herself and said I could gain 5-20lbs but that was all. At no point did she ask about my activity levels, my nutritional status, my history of eating disorders, nothing. She even re-weighed me and read old weights out loud, as if in disbelief. It was rough.
Fortunately my primary OB has not mentioned my weight at all, and most ultrasound techs have not mentioned it either. (I will say some techs push real hard on my belly during ultrasounds, and I’ve struggled to speak up about it). I specifically looked for an OB that had nothing in her profile about weight loss, “healthy habits”, or was focused on what kinds of exercise she does as her hobby. Since not many docs will specify if they’re weight neutral, these are the code words I looked for.
One of the biggest struggles I’ve had is actually finding plus size maternity clothes! I know this is not going to make or break my life, but when you’re already uncomfortable, it’s so much worse to have uncomfortable clothes. I also want to take time on this because this is not something any of my mom friends warned me about! All my parent friends were straight sized when pregnant, even if they are fat now, and so had all gotten hand me downs or gone to regular stores for clothes. They didn’t understand how inaccessible plus size maternity clothes really are.
So here are my notes on this because I have a lot of opinions:
Many stores like Target and Old Navy only carry maternity clothes online now and only up to XXL.
Okay quick note here- I just saw something posted this morning that said the average size for women’s clothes in the US is 1x-3x. And there are just as many women in M-L as there are in 3x-5x. WHAT!!!!! How can that be then that clothes are only offered up to XXL, if even that???
Stores that do not specialize in plus size may offer plus size maternity, but the sizing and fit is funky. Pink Blush was recommended to me a lot, but their plus size maternity was bizarre in its dimensions. Nothing remotely fit my proportions.
Stores that do specialize in plus size, don’t offer maternity! Torrid offers a few maternity leggings, and that’s it. Lane Bryant doesn’t offer anything.
Seek out recommendations from plus size pregnancy resources. Some of my favorites have been from this resource. And get ready to do the usual rollercoaster of ordering multiple sizes and returning what doesn’t work.
I’ve been making it through with a few Torrid leggings, workout maternity pants from Kohl’s, and a lot of billowy dresses. I wanted to feel cute and have charming maternity outfits, but it’s just not in the cards I guess.
Another big piece of advice, which many of you already do regularly, is to look at the weight limits and the sizes of all pregnancy and baby gear! Pregnancy balls, gliders, baby carriers- these are all things that I’m often over the weight limit for or need extenders for. So read the dimensions carefully and seek out plus size resources for guidance. (one of my favorites again this site). And, as you can expect, be prepared to pay the fat tax. A baby carrier that will fit me without an extender is $100 more. This can also make it harder when buying things second hand, since it requires you to research even more. It’s possible though- don’t give up!
I’ve seen other fat people feel concerned that their belly is not as obvious or pronounced or they aren’t “showing” in the same way as their thin friends. I have had that experience as well, and it’s been really comforting to see other fat pregnant bodies to normalize my own. I was even at a pool party the other day and no one recognized I was 6 months pregnant! (How many times have I been asked if I was pregnant when I wasn’t though, amirite??) Our bellies don’t stand out in the same way, may have a B shape, and that’s totally okay.
My main advice for getting through pregnancy as a fat person is to use all the skills, tools, and resources you’ve already developed over the years. Research, talk to other trusted fat friends (aka utilize your fat community!!!), and advocate for yourself. Ask questions of doctors who assume you’re high risk automatically, push back on BMI limits or go elsewhere. Don’t assume your body can’t get pregnant and don’t assume your body can do a great job of nurturing a new life. Our bodies are powerful and wise, and can do a lot! Building body trust is going to serve you well in pregnancy, birthing, and postpartum.
Find community, share your experiences, don’t suffer in silence. Deepen your connection to your body and spend time giving yourself lots of credit for how hard this road really is.
Remember the ASDAH provider list is a great resource also!! A few other accounts I recommend are:
@bigfatpregnancy
@plussizepregnancy
@fat.and.pregnant
@fatpositivefertility
Big Fat Positive podcast
Fat and Pregnant podcast
Leave a comment or question or what you’ve learned about fat pregnancy!
