How I Find Fat Community, and Why It’s So Important

For a long time, my friend group was not a particularly anti-diet group. We weren’t necessarily pro-diet, but body acceptance was not something really talked about. There would be occasional friends on a “health” journey, or someone mentioned their weight every once in awhile. We were a queer group of social workers so we mostly talked about trauma and relationships! Bodies were not really included in the dialogue.

Workplaces were always different though. I had managers that would comment on my weight and appearance, and one manager that even gifted me clothes (in the wrong size of course) for the winter holidays. I even had a medical director once post advertisements in the breakroom for weight loss pills he was selling. (I happily tore them down right away.) Everyone was always dieting and there would be attempts at walking the stairs after lunch or walking during breaks. Luckily I never worked anywhere with workplace wellness plans, but food and bodies were discussed all the time at every place I worked. 

But once I began on my fat acceptance, and fat politics, journey, I needed a community that was actively talking about bodies and fatness in a good way. I needed folks that were talking about what their fat gives them, and sharing tips on advocating at the doctor, and normalizing my experiences of existing in a fat body, and getting worked up about the same things I was worked up about. 

Finding community as a fat person is powerful. It’s political. It’s radical. Fat liberation community is somewhat rare. It’s like finding the people you share a secret language with. People who know and understand your experience like no one else can. It’s a refuge from body shaming society. 

It’s so critical to healing. 

There were a few steps for me finding fat community. I began finding it in activist spaces, which historically felt ableist and completely ignorant of fat politics. Developing my fat politics was really important to understanding why fat acceptance felt so vitally important- it helped me articulate the intersections of social justice movements, and helped me develop an understanding of how my anti-racist and disability justice work was limited if I didn’t include fat liberation. It shaped me deeply, and I’m grateful for books like Fat Activism, the Fat Studies Reader, and the Fat Liberation Manifesto by the Fat Underground. Check out the work of Fat Rose for more. 

Fat fashion spaces were helpful as well, and online communities talking about how to live and care for our fat bodies were so important. There are groups online (I think it’s still happening mostly on Facebook, but on other platforms as well) that discuss fat sleep apnea, dating while fat, fat diabetes care, fat fertility, etc etc. They talk honestly about how to advocate for ourselves, how to approach caring for your body without the focus being on body shame or weight loss, and ways to deal with unique challenges of fatness. Check out Fat Self Care led by Anna Chapman for a great resource. 

It’s been much easier to find fat community online, but there are ways to find it in person. A few years ago, the group Fat Girls Hiking had a chapter in my area and that was a fun way to start to meet folks in person. Since then, I’ve seen many hiking groups pop up around the country. Often these groups merge into hosting pool parties, clothing swaps,  book clubs, and shared meals together. It helps to be in a larger city, like LA or Chicago, for this. But I’ve seen smaller geographic areas have groups form as well. I’ve found a group local to me, and it’s meant so much to me. They have been so sweet to connect with, and it’s felt so safe to build relationships together. 

I cannot say enough about finding fat professional community as well! If you are a fat provider or clinician, this is a must! When I first started marketing my therapy practice as fat affirming in 2018, I was primarily in eating disorder communities. The most dominant voices there were thin white straight cis women. The focus was on restrictive eating and generic body positivity and the bodies displayed were all straight sized.  The conversation was very surface-level. I started looking for my fellow fat people, and started looking for the people at the intersections of identity with fatness, like queerness, transness, etc. Thankfully it led me to a local HAES think tank that was comprised of therapists, dietitians, coaches, and physicians with the majority of members in larger bodies themselves. This was a god send and the relationships I built in this group led to consult groups and eventually joining a ED board myself. 

Since then, I’ve found professional community online and in person through coffee dates, book clubs, and additional consult groups. If I see a fat provider, I’m connecting with them! It’s sometimes “cold calling” folks and one hundred percent of the time folks have been open and receptive to chatting. Fat voices and voices of providers of color or queer providers are still NOT the majority in therapy or eating disorder spaces. But it helps to feel like I have a place to go to process my feelings about being in this field with the lived experiences I have. 

The moral of the story is we need other fat people to walk through this with us. We need to feel like we belong, like our experiences are shared by others even if we can’t see it. It takes some courage to meet new people and flexibility to do it virtually sometimes. It takes risk to attend a meet up where everyone’s a stranger, but let me tell you it is very, very worth it. Finding or building fat community is healing, powerful, and necessary. 

Leave a comment with your recommendations for fat community spaces. There are so many places to look and there are so many more options than there used to be. Be brave and reach out!