Practicing Self Compassion with Chronic Illness: My Summer of Celiac Flares
For various reasons this summer, my body has been going through it! I’ve had to stop medication that helped reduce celiac flares (although there’s no medication to cure or solve it, or allow me to eat gluten). I’ve stopped and started other medications, came down with a few colds, and generally my body has been quite sick this summer.
Living with a chronic illness means dealing with periods of flares like this. It sucks, and it’s part of living with this body. I wanted to share ways I have found to make it through these periods, and I hope this is helpful for folks even without chronic illness. Many early resources I learned about when I was first diagnosed were based in meditation and mindfulness practices. Those were great teachers in the beginning, and honestly- I am just not going to meditate my way through a symptom flare. I think that is really good advice, and it’s just not for me. And that’s okay!
Here’s how I meet my body with compassion when it’s struggling with a chronic illness episode:
I don’t fight the pain. Early into a flare, I’ll often have a few hours (or even days) of denial. But, pushing through my symptoms rarely makes them better- it usually makes things worse. So, once I acknowledge this is indeed a flare, I look towards how to comfort my body and how to gently care for the symptoms. By now I have a protocol of things that I like to eat or drink when I feel this way, so I make sure to have those stocked and on hand. Allow myself permission to cancel plans, not complete my to do list, and be “lazy”. There’s usually a feeling of grief or anxiety that comes with this step, like I’ll be sad to miss out on seeing a friend or stressed that something isn’t going to get done on the timeline I wanted it to. It helps me to remember that my friends understand and no one will be mad at me. And it helps to acknowledge this is not something I have control over. It’s temporary, and what needs to get done will be taken care of. I prioritize and do what I can, allowing my energy to ebb and flow.
I engage in gentle and intuitive movement with sensitivity. Each period of symptom flares, I’ll have to assess what kinds of movement feel good. Each time is a little different. Luckily, for many years now, I’ve engaged in movement and exercise in healing and intuitive ways. I’ve done a lot of work to heal my past tendency to over-exercise or use exercise as a way to compensate for a binge. I’ve found that I like to have options for movement. Like, I’ve found that I love weightlifting, and have connected with a trainer that can easily adapt to how I’m feeling each week (this is super super helpful). Sometimes, my body wants to stretch or wants slow walking when I’m having a flare. Sometimes my body wants to soak in the bathtub instead. I watch for any diet culture-type fears that pop up about not holding to my exercise regime, and I let those thoughts float on by. It helps that I’ve built trust with my body over the years, and believe me it has taken years.
I eat my comfort foods with no food rules. With my celiac, many of my flare symptoms are GI related, so eating is a little tenuous. I have found that carbs like potatoes can give me the most comfort and enjoyment when eating during a flare. It fills me up, calms my stomach, and genuinely is tasty. I make sure to have some form of potato in the house at all times honestly! Same for boxed mac and cheese and frozen chicken nuggets. These are diet trigger foods, I know, and I want to normalize eating for comfort during flares. It actually causes my body more distress and literal pain if I try to skip meals during a flare. I’ve learned that I need to keep eating even if my stomach is upset in order to prevent it from becoming even more upset.
I ask for help. I’ve asked for help around making tea or making food, around helping with household chores, and around cheering me up. I once was so sick I needed help just watering the plants! I’ve learned that my friends enjoy being able to be supportive and I trust that they will say “no” if they don’t have the bandwidth to help at that moment. I’m not a burden for asking for help. It brings me and my community actually closer, and I offer support in the ways I’m able when I feel better.
I use compassionate self talk. I remind myself this flare is not my fault and that I’m doing a good job managing my symptoms. It can be annoying not always knowing a cause or trigger, and not having something specifically to blame for it. So, I watch my self talk to make sure I’m not taking my frustration or pain out on myself. I tell myself things like, “this sucks but I know it’s temporary” and “I’m allowed to take it as easy I need to right now”.
I love to utilize distraction thoughtfully. As I said, I’m not big on meditation (which feels like it goes against all the therapist bones in my body). I think it’s an awesome tool, and it doesn’t help me when I’m in the depths of a flare. Instead, I use distraction but thoughtfully. I use social media with care, especially using other chronic illness accounts and soothing, sweet animal videos. I allow myself my comfort shows and whatever kind of distractions will help me relax and give me comfort. I know that as my body relaxes and releases tension, my symptoms can calm down. Primarily, I practice acceptance while validating my feelings. Ultimately, this is the one that helps me the most. Accepting that flares happen, that I do my best to avoid triggers, and that sometimes shit just happens (literally….). I validate the frustration, disappointment, pain, and discomfort without blaming myself or critiquing myself. I don’t fight it and I go instead to how to comfort and care for myself through this experience.
I’m still recovering from my flare while I write this, but I hope it’s helpful to see a roadmap of practical and mental health tips to survive chronic illness episodes. They’re not fun and they can really be a (literal) pain. But, there are ways to make it through the episode with a little less distress at least mentally. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself the care and comfort you need right now.
Learning self compassion, intuitive movement, and peace with food have all been essential to caring for my body no matter what state it’s in. Reach out for a consult call if you’d like to discuss how you can develop these skills as well! And check out my resources page for additional supports.
